Girl group BiSH, which closed its eight-year history with a live performance at Tokyo Dome on June 29th last year, garnered attention for its members’ individual activities. Amidst this, the youngest member, Ayuni D, held a secret live performance with her band PEDRO at Shin-Okubo FEVER on the day after the group’s dissolution, marking the beginning of an indefinite recharge period without rest and the start of a new season of creative expression.
Ayuni D says that she has been reserved since childhood, always trying not to inconvenience others. During her time in BiSH, she lived in a hurry, constantly reminding herself not to hold back. However, she gradually rediscovered her true self through self-reflection with the support of her beloved people. She gently laughs and says, “I’m still an apprentice of life.”
The “Frisk #WordsToMyYoungerSelf” project aims to support new challenges for working professionals, students, and freshmen. For this project, Ayuni D wrote a letter titled “To My 16-Year-Old Self.” The words she wrote and spun in this interview serve as a message to her past self and as encouragement to those embarking on new lives.
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Breaking Out of Shyness: Ayuni D’s Decision to Audition for BiSH
Former member of BiSH disbanded in June 2023. Currently serving as the bass vocalist for PEDRO. Engaging vigorously in music production, she released a full album titled “Fuku Mamani, I no Mukumamani,” for which she composed and wrote all the songs. Fans resonate deeply with her lyricism that empathizes with people’s lives and her songs that gently support listeners’ backs. Her unique character, along with her distinctive worldview and sensibility, has garnered significant support.
-We read the letter that Auni wrote to us for this project. First of all, could you tell us why you decided to write a letter to your 16-year-old self?
Ayuni D: “When was the first time you made a choice and took a step forward on your own?” I thought, “It was when I joined BiSH. So I wrote a letter to myself at that time.
To my 16-year-old self
At 16, living alone, I reflect, “I was merely a youngster,” yet then, it felt like the “preparation years for adulthood.” My introverted disposition since childhood led me to high school days where I’d return home to find my mother in the kitchen, tears flowing, murmuring, “Life’s joyless.” I yearned for change, an internal plea echoing my desires.
Back then, I stumbled upon an audition for my favorite idol group and quietly submitted my application, keeping it to myself. I made it through. No, they approved me. No, it’s more accurate to say they chose me.
Preface to the letter: The complete text of the letter, penned by Ayuni D., will be on display at FRISK’s “Words to Deliver to the Jibuns of Those Days” exhibition at BONUS TRACK in Shimokitazawa from April 11 (details here). (details here).
-It goes without saying that this was a major turning point in your life. 16 years old “back then” was the first time you had the experience of actively stepping out on your own.
Ayuni D: Yes, that’s right. For example, when I entered high school, I decided because it was close to home or because it suited my academic ability, so I did not choose it with the determination of “I will definitely enter here. I think the first time I listened to my heart’s voice was when I decided I wanted to join BiSH.
My personality has never been very proactive. I was the type to do my best as I was told. But when I auditioned for BiSH, I took the first step on my own without telling anyone. I think my curiosity won out over determination.
-I think “curiosity” is a key word for you, as seen in the documentary video titled “Return” on PEDRO’s Youtube channel.
Ayuni D: I have been a shy person since I was born, so even if I had something on my mind, I couldn’t act on it or say it out loud. But when I was 16 years old, I realized that no one would understand what I was thinking unless I expressed it myself. I tried my best to express my curiosity.
I had always been doing various things at home, such as singing, dancing, and making videos. But I had never released them to the world. I was bothered by myself like that.
-Did you have a complex about your shyness?
Ayuni D: Yes. Ever since I was little, my mom used to say to me, “Ayu, you are a shy person who loses it. She was very active at home, but when we went to my grandmother’s house, she would sit on her haunches all the time and not talk. People around me used to say, “You could let yourself go a little more. I was often told, “You could let yourself go a little more.
-What do you think was holding you back?
Ayuni D: I guess I was just being a good girl. I didn’t like being angry anyway. When I had a bad day at school, I would come home and cry in front of my mom and tell her everything. I did this constantly.
-Your mother took it all in.
Ayuni D: That’s right. Even now, she has always been my best friend.
