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Miram and Ban Obara's Exchange Diary, "With my chin resting by the window"

A Surge of Energy: The Pain and Joy of Giving Birth

2023.9.27

#BOOK

From Ban Obara #9 – Saturday, August 19

I’m writing this diary while listening to “Tenshi no Kiss” (Angel’s Kiss).
I wonder what we want to be forgiven for at the window.

How do you write lyrics, Miran?
Do you write when your heart is moved and the words just come out of your mouth?
Or do you think and think and think and come up with them?
Or do you make notes when you have an idea, and write it down based on those notes?

Whenever my mind wanders, I feel a surge of energy, whether it is a good or a bad one. And then I want to release that energy, or rather, I want to discharge (?) it. But I don’t want to do so, because if I talk about it to someone, it might become someone else’s words. I don’t want to do that. I feel that the purity of my pure surge will decrease the moment it becomes someone else’s words. I mean, I have just had a great feeling! This surge is mine!

So, when I felt a jolt, I put it into words myself as much as possible. When I put it into words, the purity of the words is probably lost, but even so, when I put it into words, I feel really good about it. I feel that there is a tomorrow. I was alive, and I am alive. It is such a simple feeling.

The above is my first thought, but I believe that life is not all about being moved. Life is not always a heart-pounding experience, because it can be reassuring, peaceful, or boring.

That is why I was a bit troubled when I started writing for work. Words don’t come out easily because I don’t feel a rush. I was especially troubled with poems and lyrics, because I used to make them by myself when I had a slow start.

But after I realized that the smallest thing is a big thing, I started to write better than before by looking at, feeling, and writing without lying about everything that spills out, has spilled out, or is about to spill out. I’m still not there yet, but I’m getting there. I hope I can continue to do so, little by little.

From Miram #10 – Saturday, August 26

It’s no fun to have my motivation be affected by the weight of my body. So I stopped getting on the scale at the beginning of August. Then I stopped worrying not only about my weight but also about all the numbers I used to worry about. The battery of my phone, the bill on the slip, my followers, or even time. Every morning I’m fluffy and my stomach is flat. My face in front of the mirror is, well, swollen. But that’s okay. It’s days like that.

When I saw the letter I received from you, I was at first a bit pouty. After reading the diary several times, I think back to last summer and winter when I was busy with the production. I had been looking for a surge for a long time at that time. I was trying to match my tone with the weather, the light, the swaying of the trees, the dusk, before going to sleep, and the people I met, and just be delicate, but not dark. I fill my head with this kind of awareness, and then I look at the gaps that sometimes appear by some chance in the crowded space. I ask questions to the gaps that sometimes appear. Who are you, where do you come from, and where do you want to go? I repeated and repeated, and when my back was getting round, words and a melody came from the windowsill I looked up at. I was so excited to hear them, as if to say, “Nice to meet you. Oh, thank God. It’s nice to meet you. I’m so happy. I’m Miran. Shake hands, give me a hug, and I’ll take good care of you. I guess that’s how I make mine.

At any rate, a big bang is a trigger. Big or small, good or bad. I think it’s safe to say that we can go anywhere with just one trigger, and feel somehow alive. But, as You said, unlike work, which we face almost every day, it’s not something we can feel every day, so it’s difficult, and although the days are generally okay and boring, we know that it will never go away. I don’t know if I’m okay or not, but let’s meet again and talk.

By the way, I usually write this diary by typing on my phone, but I felt like writing something fierce, so I wrote it by hand. Maybe it was because I went to an exhibition of my favorite artist the other day and witnessed various drawings and letters actually written on notebooks there, which made me feel very happy. Sometimes, I think it is possible to approach things from a different angle, and I would love to hear about any interesting approaches you have taken, Lan-chan.

From Ban Obara #10 – Saturday, September 2

The past week has been quiet anyway, waking up around noon, making breakfast (or lunch?), eating, and reading a little, responding emails, working, going out for a while, but not staying too long, making dinner, having a bath, reading again, watching a movie, having ice cream, or beer.

I was looking back on how I had been so busy since the beginning of this year and thinking about how I had worked so hard on myself. It’s important to spend time like that, isn’t it? Thanks to this, my tiredness has been gradually easing off, and I feel like I am recovering a little. I hope I can continue to live at this relaxed pace.

There are things that a new wind can bring.

For example, I sometimes try to write a short story inspired by a favorite photo or picture. Or after reading something, I try to write about it in the afterglow of the reading. Sometimes I do that as well.

Basically, I remember things that have been in my head for a long time, such as when I am taking a walk, write them down on my iPhone, open my computer, and write them down in writing. It really only has functions for writing. For example, there is no information on the screen that I don’t want, or colors or shapes that distract me, right? Also, if I don’t like the font or the size of the letters, I get very frustrated. In “stone,” the text appears in a beautiful font on a plain white background. It’s kind of quiet. It’s in a liquid crystal display. It was like, “This is fine, this is fine, this is fine…” It was like something that was turned on and off. I know it sounds like I’m rambling, but when I was having a hard time concentrating, I bought one to try it out, and it was really good, and I got excited and started writing. That kind of new wind. It’s not interesting, but it was my recent approach.

Miram

Miran is a singer-songwriter born in 1999.
In 2020, she released her first album “Houfu”, which was produced by home recording, and after that, she released many works. He produced and released his second album “Ducky”. Later, with Yusuke Kume (Special Favorite Music) as producer, she released “Natsu no boku ni mo me ni”, “Lemon tree”, and “Like it or not”, which were featured on Fuji TV’s “Love music”, and she also wrote an exchange diary with writer Ban Obara in the culture media NiEW. In the midst of attracting more attention, he is releasing a new song, “Tenshi no Kiss” on both distribution and 7inch format.

Ban Obara

小原晩

Born in Tokyo in 1996, Obara Ban published his first collection of essays, “Don’t Eat Karaage Bento Here,” in March 2022.

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