INDEX
In BiSH, striving not to inconvenience others, Ayuni D found her voice through PEDRO’s revival.
-The experience of moving to Tokyo from Hokkaido after being accepted to BiSH’s audition and starting to live alone at the age of 16 must have been quite hard for you.
Ayuni D: I had a lot of experiences, and I was desperate to live in the present, but rather than it being hard, I am very grateful to my family and the president of my office for letting me live alone in Tokyo. I am now very grateful to my family and the president of my office for allowing me to take the first step into life in Tokyo. I am keenly aware every day that the power of people is great. I believe that the power of the people around me is what will help me live tomorrow.
-I think the theme of the documentary “Return” is AYUNI’s recovery of her “true self” in the course of restarting PEDRO after BiSH’s dissolution. Did you feel that you had to leave your individuality behind?
Ayuni D: I think I might have had to. I was never very good at school or group activities, so rather than trying to be what I wanted to be, I prioritized not to bother those around me, not to drag them down, not to get angry at them, and to work desperately hard. So, when I was on my own, I sometimes lost sight of myself.
But as I ran with BiSH as a group and grasped various things, I found enjoyment and felt happiness. I was in the midst of a lifelong apprenticeship (laugh), or perhaps I felt as if I was on a lifelong journey of self-discovery.
-Do you feel like the phase has changed a bit from there now?
Ayuni D: Now I finally listen to my heart properly. For example, when my goal was not realized, I can now see it as, “Thanks to the fact that my goal was not realized, I have various options. I am now able to think with hope that my options are unlimited.
-Did you become able to do so after the restart of PEDRO?
Ayuni D: I was able to realize that. Until then, I had always thought that BiSH was all I had, and the experiences and time I spent with BiSH were nothing but a treasure to me. But now that I’ve put an end to that, I’m able to try all kinds of new things and pursue what I love more, including PEDRO. I want to convey through my activities that there is no need to be depressed even if what I had set out to do does not come true, or rather, I hope I can be a bit of a light.
-I think it was also a big turning point when PEDRO’s activities started in September 2018, when BiSH’s centripetal force was getting bigger and bigger. It must have been mentally and physically difficult to go around in circles, but how did you keep yourself in check?
Ayuni D: Two things: one, I didn’t have the courage to run away in the first place. If I really wanted to quit, I could have, but I was afraid of causing trouble by quitting there. I thought my role was to just work hard.
The other thing was that I simply enjoyed it. When times were tough, the members of BiSH and the people around me helped me out, so I was able to keep going. Every day, every second, I was saved by the people around me. When I was too tired to sleep, my mom would call me every night, and when I couldn’t wash my BiSH costumes in time, Rinrin (now MISATO ANDO) would take my costumes home and wash them. I was really able to stay positive because I had someone helping me every day.
Also, BiSH is very unique among groups like this, and we write our own lyrics. I was grateful to be able to express myself through music. There were many people who met me because they sympathized with me, and I was very grateful and happy that my hope turned into someone else’s hope. I managed to keep a good balance between the two and continued to do so.
