INDEX
from Miran #14 – Saturday, December 2
Hello.
It’s getting colder. How are you doing?
I caught a cold, had a high fever, and was in bed. All I could do was sleep, so I slept, but I quickly became hypersomniac-like, and these days I want to sleep all the time.
I’m sweating profusely, dreaming of going to Disneyland to play, and the next day dreaming of working at Disneyland. My body is getting better little by little by getting rid of the bad stuff, but I feel as if I have no energy. I can’t get my head straight. I lost track of myself, wondering what Miran was like and how life works, and decided to look back at this exchange diary.
I felt that the diary I was writing was full of things I was doing, going out somewhere or doing something. In her diary, I got the impression that she spends time at home and writes at home, though of course she goes out and does things, and I found a lot of things that are helpful to me now.
I could imagine how it would be like to cook curry and rice using a cutting board for the first time in a while, or how it would be like to go to the library. I haven’t been able to do it until I try it, but just imagining it moves me a little. I rubbed my hand in the futon and said, “I’m so thankful for that.
I’d like to hear more and more about her life. I’m glad we have the exchange diary. I’m happy to be able to wait for your reply again.
from Late Night Ohara #14 – Monday, December 11
I’m doing well.
The mouth ulcers that had been bothering her are finally healed, and she is able to eat delicious food without pain, but she has gained several kilograms and kilograms. I hope Miran’s health is getting better too.
I’ve been talking about the next year, but book making takes a long time, so we often talk about the year after next or even further into the future.
Recently, I bought a Kindle, an iPad stand for my bedside table, a crescent moon-shaped cushion, and a Christmas objet d’art.
I want to spend more and more money on things that will improve my life, but what is important to improve my life is the feeling of the room and the city. So I am thinking of moving. I would like a place with a large window with a nice breeze blowing through it, facing south, spacious, with a bathtub that is not too cold, a kitchen with at least two stoves and plenty of space for a cutting board, preferably on the sixth floor or higher, near a station, and in Suginami or Setagaya wards. But the rent is too expensive. It’s a problem. I’m looking at various rooms on the Internet. It would be nice to write something new in a new city and in a new room.
What kind of room would you like to live in, Miran? I’m curious.
from Miran #15 – Saturday, December 16
You gain pounds and pounds and pounds, Miran. I kind of understand that it’s fun to gain weight. I know how you feel when you look at your reflection in the mirror and say to yourself, “Your body is so honest,” and then laugh. Then I try to count the number of people who would say they like me no matter what I look like. It’s nice, isn’t it?
I’m feeling much better now. Thank you for your concern. While I’m in bed, staring at the windows that are shuttered shut and the kitchen that doesn’t even have soy sauce, even though it’s been six months since I moved to Tokyo and I haven’t even bought curtains, I think that I can’t live in the house I chose. The house I live in now is like a business hotel that I like a little too much. There are so many things I want to make my life easier and more enjoyable, and the list is endless. I also want an iPad and an iPad stand. I want to feel Christmas at home. And yet, I can’t afford anything. If I buy one thing, I feel like I’m prepared to live alone for one thing, and somehow, I feel a bit empty and scared about it.
I’ve come to realize that it’s quite difficult to live alone when you’re constantly dealing with your own feelings, and I’m thinking that maybe it would be better to live with someone else and take a peek at my own feelings in between the times when I’m being pushed around by that someone else.
But lately, I’ve been taking a lot of walks as a distraction, and as I pass by the bakery, library, pharmacy, supermarket, and laundromat in town, I nod my head and think, “Hmmm, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m starting to kind of like the fact that I’m from this town.
I find myself wishing for a better future than the present, but I am in no hurry! But I think I’ll take my time and look forward to the things that will come out of my current life.
