INDEX
The Routine That Keeps AiNA Going at 30
But I think what you’re expressing now is a performance that creates a resonance by confronting your own focus with the audience’s concentration. Whether you’re dancing or in moments of silence without singing or sound, those pauses are powerful expressions. So, it seems to me that what you do can’t be measured simply by the volume of the audience’s cheers.
AiNA: Really? Hearing that is a relief. When I perform at various festivals, the production team and everyone around me really want AiNA THE END to “win” at those festivals.
So, it’s easy to start thinking that visible “victory” means how much the audience is engaged. Being in that mindset for so long, I worry I might get influenced by it. That’s why now I want to be an artist who can create moments where the audience truly focuses and connects deeply with the live performance.
As I read through your essay, I felt that the tears you shed in the café were perhaps an expression of anxiety about the future, coming from living so moment to moment until now.
AiNA: That’s probably true. I may have been living very moment to moment. Just the other day, while I was taking a bath, I thought, “You know, I think I’ve had enough of life.” But it’s not because I’m depressed. I’ve spent a lot of time with friends, made plenty of mistakes, been loved by many people — I really am happy.
I was thinking, “I don’t really have any regrets if I were to die now,” while I was taking a shower. But then I thought, “Wait a minute!” Like, “I worked really hard on a new song that’s coming out this summer!” and “I also have my essay collection ‘Even If You’re Not Well’ coming out soon!” So I thought, “No way I can just die now!” [laughs].
That’s when I decided to push myself a little more. Then, when the new song comes out in the summer, the summer festivals will be fun, and I’ll probably forget about what I was feeling just two days ago. I’ll live happily through the summer, but then probably, boom! The darkness will come again. But even then, I’ll forget it again. It’s always like that—I’m saved by my releases.
Turning 30, I figured out my routine: “Ah, maybe a tough time is coming, so I should make a new song.” I make a song and share it with friends. Without having music planned, I’d probably just stay home sleeping all the time.
It’s good that you have music.
AiNA: Definitely, that’s exactly right.
