INDEX
Avoid Defining Yourself Based on Others’ Observations
Especially since the COVID-19 pandemic, meeting people through matching apps has become mainstream. According to a survey, one in four people who got married in the past year met through a matching app. It seems that such encounters might lead to idealistic or speculative expectations from both sides.
Shetona: However, even in encounters through schools or workplaces, people can have unrealistic expectations about each other. You don’t truly understand the differences in values until you start dating. On the other hand, matching apps present conditions from the beginning, which might be more realistic. You check specific criteria like height or income and if both parties agree, you start dating. The “method of meeting” may be different, but what happens after might not change that much.
I see a lot of people using matching apps around me, but I get the impression that they often break up quickly over minor issues.
Shetona: The increase in quick breakups might be because it’s now easy to find the next person. With the spread of matching apps, romantic relationships might feel lighter than before.
In that case, it seems like it’s becoming harder to keep loving one person for a long time.
Sitona: I think it depends on the person’s nature. Some people will love one person for their whole life, while others are always seeking new encounters. Ultimately, it varies from person to person. Also, nowadays, more women are independent and want to be “equal.” It’s hard to be friends with people who create hierarchies based on gender or age. There’s less need to force romantic or friendly relationships.
There are different types of independence, like “emotional independence” and “financial independence.” What kind of independence do you value?
Shetona: I value emotional independence. There might be situations where you have to rely on someone, but it feels a bit sad if you’re always the one relying on others and never being relied upon. I tend to be the type who wants to be relied upon, and I think an ideal relationship is one where both people rely on each other. However, relying too much can turn into dependence, so it’s important for both parties to cherish their own time. This applies to relationships with friends and family as well. Financial independence is certainly important, but I feel that emotional independence is the most crucial.
What do you think is necessary to achieve emotional independence?
Shetona: I think it’s important to have confidence in yourself… although, to be honest, I don’t have much confidence myself [laughs]. But if you get discouraged every time someone criticizes you, it can ruin your life. It might be difficult to achieve emotional independence unless you can think, “I am who I am,” no matter what anyone says.
For example, in a romantic relationship, if you’re anxious about not being told “I love you” or “You’re cute,” having self-confidence means you can think, “Aren’t you happy just being with me?” [laughs]. The same applies to friendships. If you have self-confidence, issues like “They never hang out with me” or “They don’t listen to me” might not bother you as much.
So, essentially, it’s about not leaving your self-worth to others.
Shetona: Yes. Ultimately, I believe that only you can truly evaluate yourself. In daily life, for instance, working hard on your studies after coming home or picking up litter on the street and disposing of it in the trash can—these efforts, which others may not see, contribute to your self-worth. I don’t want to be the kind of person who only determines their value based on being seen by others.
